A Last Letter
by SpunkyPaperAngel
Summary: Yashamaru was a good brother, a good uncle, a good medic, and a good shinobi, but not a good boyfriend. Aware that he was going to die soon, he wrote one last letter to the woman who loved him and stayed by his side all these years, even when all he did was make her miserable. One-shot, letter format.


Because I love the crazies of Suna. Good and constructive criticism reviews are welcomed and greatly appreciated. I don't own the Narutoverse.

**A Last Letter**

My dear Akane,

I am so sorry. I want you to know that I love you, that no matter how much I've made you think otherwise these past years, I have never gotten over the feelings I have for you, and that even if I never see you anymore, I will forever keep you in my heart.

I wish things had been different. I wish that, for your own good, I had never laid eyes on you. It would have been easier if you had rejected my silly attempts at courting. I really wish you had found a man with the ability to bring happiness into your life, unlike me who only brought bitterness.

In my defense, you could say our relationship was never the sweet thing I expected it to be. Had we both been just medics, it could have been amazing. We would've had normal jobs, gone on normal dates, had the normal ups and downs, eventually gotten married and had the normal relationship that is expected from a man and woman in love.

But instead, as a shinobi before a man... you know the story. When all I wanted was to take you out for dinner, I was far away from home trying to take the life of someone I didn't even know. I am so sorry, Akane. I was hardly ever there, and when I was there, I _wasn't _there.

I have left you so alone. These past six years, I am so sorry for making you truly miserable. I shouldn't have let my sister's death affect me the way it did. You were by my side, trying to help. All I did was push you away. You were crying, and I didn't care. I got drunk. I screamed at you. I abandoned you. Please, I hope you can forgive me, for in my pain, I failed to see yours.

Then Gaara-sama took all my attention, and with time even my affection. I learned to love the kid like a son. I forgot you existed. I hope you don't resent Karura's child for the days I spent with him instead of with you. Had I been any smarter, I would have introduced you to one another and we could have sat in a table at night to enjoy your delicious cooking. We could've been a real family.

Only now as I write this do I realize how much I missed you. It's hard to believe almost ten years ago I used to think you were the greatest thing in Suna. Because although now, as I face my eminent death, I still think the same, throughout our years together I was cruel and unfair to you. I forgot to appreciate all the small things you did for me. I robbed so much time from you. I have so many regrets.

I should have married you. I am so sorry I broke your heart when I called off our wedding. I still love you.

I should have gone to you at night all those times. I am so sorry, Akane, for not even bothering to leave a note telling you I wouldn't make it home.

I shouldn't have made jounin. I shouldn't have joined the ANBU. I should have stayed a medic. I should have stayed with you.

I'm sorry I could not save Miss Pakura's life all those years ago. She was your best friend. She was the the one person in the world who I know would have done anything and everything for you. If I could give my life for hers, I would, because I thought I could replace her as your guardian angel and I completely failed.

I am so sorry, Akane, for not realizing I still had you waiting for me. I should have been equally or more dedicated to you. Or, I should have just told you to go away.

I hate this irony. Here I am, apologizing for leaving you alone all those times all these years, and well aware that unless a miracle happens, I am about to leave you alone again, this time for good. I will die. I had the feeling of it when Hiro-sama gave me this last mission. I have the feeling now that I am preparing myself for it.

I'm sorry for not having the courage to tell you all this to your face. I was planning to, but when I thought about it, I realized all that would do is make you cry. Maybe you'll even get mad at me and beg me to disobey Hiro's orders. And part of me wants to do just that. I won't lie to you. I am afraid of dying. But I am a shinobi before a man. Feelings should be disregarded. For our kazekage, for our village, for Gaara-sama, and for you, I should be fine with being charged to sacrifice my life. But I am not. I am terrified. And if I tell you, you will be terrified too and you will cry and I will cry and we will both experience the most dreadful days of our existence as we await my doom.

Thus I hope you forgive me if I rather remain silent and instead treat you like a princess these last days I spend on earth. If I can make you happy, like I should have done all along, then I will be happy too, and when my time comes soon enough, I will take those good, recent memories of us to my grave. I can leave knowing I left on good terms. The last image of you I'll have is that of your smiling face. I don't want to ever see you cry again. I don't want to make you suffer more than I already have.

My love, the one thing I ask of you is to think kindly of me. I know that a few days of treating you right won't fix years of doing otherwise, but if I have managed to get through you how remorseful I am and how much I have always loved you, then I know your benevolence will find a way to extend to me. I want you to remember me as the man that adored you, not the one who surrendered his soul to the shinobi way of life and its depression.

Farewell, my beloved Akane. I am dead; you are not. I expect you to move on and make your dreams a reality. Be the best medic you can be. Marry a decent man and mother a child like you have always wanted. If my death brings terrible pain to you, I sincerely hope that your heart will heal soon. I wish only the best for you. I want you to brave this harsh life and find something meaningful. Be happy.

I love you so much.

Yours forever,

Kana Yashamaru.


End file.
